Planning ahead
How Do You Plan Time Away When You Are the Caregiver?
Taking real time away takes more planning than a normal vacation, but it is doable with the right groundwork.
Respite care · 8 minute read
The short answer
Planning time away as a caregiver goes most smoothly with a trial run before the real trip, a written day-by-day schedule for whoever is covering, a clear contact list, and a plan for the house, mail, and keys. Starting the planning two to four weeks ahead gives you room to fix problems before you leave.
Start with a trial run
Before you commit to a weekend away or a full week, it helps to run a shorter test first. This could be a single overnight or even just a full day where the person covering handles everything from morning to night without you stepping in. A trial run surfaces problems while they are still small and fixable.
During the trial, pay attention to what the covering caregiver asks you about. If they call you three times in one afternoon, that tells you what needs to be written down more clearly before the real trip.
Write the day down
A written schedule is the single most useful thing you can leave behind. It should read like an actual day, hour by hour where it matters, so someone unfamiliar with the routine can follow it without guessing.
- Morning routine: wake time, help needed getting up, breakfast preferences
- The medication schedule the doctor set, written exactly as it is followed
- Meals and snacks, including anything to avoid
- Afternoon activities or rest periods
- Evening routine and bedtime, including anything that helps with sleep
- What to do if your mother or father becomes anxious or confused, and what usually helps
Build the contact list
Put together one page with every number someone might need, and put a paper copy somewhere obvious, like the refrigerator, in addition to sending it electronically. Include your own number and how to reach you while traveling, even if you expect to be unreachable at times.
The list should include the primary doctor's office, the pharmacy, a nearby family member or neighbor willing to help in a pinch, and, if you are using a home care agency, the agency's office line. Add the address of the house itself, which sounds obvious but matters if someone needs to give it to an ambulance dispatcher.
Decide who is covering, and for how long
Be specific about hours, not just days. If a family member is covering the daytime and a paid caregiver is covering overnight, write down exactly when each shift starts and ends and who is responsible for handing off between them.
If more than one person is involved, a shared document or group text thread avoids confusion about who did what and when.
Handle the mail, keys, and house
If you will be gone more than a few days, arrange for mail to be held or collected. Leave a spare key with whoever is covering, and make sure they know how to work the thermostat, the alarm system if there is one, and where the circuit breaker is in case something trips.
It also helps to leave a short note about anything unusual in the house: a door that sticks, a smoke detector that chirps occasionally, a pet with its own routine.
Give yourself permission to actually rest
Once the plan is in place, the harder part is often mental: letting yourself relax instead of checking in every hour. Agree ahead of time on how often you will actually be updated, whether that is a nightly text or only a call if something is wrong, so you are not guessing and worrying the whole time you are away.
Questions people ask
Common questions
- How far in advance should I start planning?
- Two to four weeks is usually enough for a weekend or a week, which gives time for a trial run and any adjustments.
- What if my mother or father does not want me to leave?
- This is a common reaction. A calm, honest conversation ahead of time, along with a trial run so they get used to the covering caregiver, usually helps more than a last-minute explanation.
- Should I check in every day while I am away?
- That is your choice. Some caregivers feel better with a short daily update, others prefer to be contacted only if something needs attention. Decide this ahead of time so everyone knows what to expect.
- Who should be on the contact list besides family?
- Include the primary doctor's office, the pharmacy, a trusted neighbor, and the home care agency's office number if you are using one.
- What is the most common thing people forget to plan for?
- Overnight coverage. Daytime hours often get covered easily, but caregivers sometimes underestimate what the evening and overnight routine actually requires.
Keep reading
How Does Respite Care Work?
Respite care gives family caregivers scheduled time off. Learn how visits are set up, what a handover looks like, and what to write down first.
What Are the Signs of Caregiver Burnout?
Learn the early signs of caregiver burnout, why it builds slowly, and what to do first. Practical guidance for family caregivers in Massachusetts.
How Do You Care for a Parent While Raising Children?
Practical advice for the sandwich generation: building a weekly schedule, dividing tasks with siblings, talking to your employer, and what to hand off first.